I am not a "how are you", "i am fine" and "what are you eating?" kind of conversationalist these days. I have gone far from the meaningless texting spree phase I had back in highschool. I get into trouble with facebook's "seen" feature because I just cannot maintain a non stop convo for more than 15 minutes. But I am thankful for this kind of conversation that I have with my bestfriends. We can go for a month without talking and a single well thought of message can set the light.
October 13, 2016, 5:30pm
Dearest Ronida,
Im typing this letter while making bantay for jeep for work at 10 pm. Im sorry I havent reached out yesterday like I said I would. I admit it flew over my head with a lot of other things going on. Hehe.
Im trying to train for milo marathon although Im not really after the marathon because Im too weak still for that. Ive always loved to runnnnn... sometimes from the reality. Haha.
Know what? I think I may be over him. Im finally realizing that he may not be the same person I loved... Haha. So after two years, here I am, moving on from a crush. 😆
My vegetarian diet has reached the six-month mark this Sept 29, but yesterday I cheated with the softest chicken empanada. But the chicken was so minute I think I can forgive myself.
Im still not sure where my life is going. But Im more nervous for the country under Duterte's communism inclinations than for myself. I dont know if that's a good or a bad things.
I guess that's it. How have you been? Do write back when you get the time.
Your soul sister
October 13, 2016, 8:07pm
Dear Soul sister,
I am honestly thrilled to receive this letter. I am currently waiting while my doctora talks to a Pakistani patient about his teeth. The language barrier and an irritating patient is really a problem. My doctora is already impatient.
My roommate is celebrating her birthday today. I cooked chicken sisig for the first time and I am hoping it's edible. I also made brownies but it didn't turn out well. So I just rolled it into small chocolate balls and now i think they're better. We'll be eating later at 11pm over here. Too many good foods but I'll have to eat in moderation because of tummy issues.
And guess what, we'll visit the desert for the first time tomorow! They call it the redsand. We might go into the hidden valley as well. Finally, I'll be meeting Mr. Desert. I need the comfort of nature and the dry sand is way way better than this concrete environment that I've been in for 7 months.
I dont get bloated that much these days. I googled and I'm thinking I might have a fungal infection in my gut. I've been cutting down my sugar and carbohydrate intake and I think it's working. My bilirubin is now normal. But I am losing alot of weight. I am now down to 47.5kg from 50 in 2 weeks. 😞 I still cant go in the same route as you. Veganism is hard if you don't have a solid foundation for doing it I guess.
Regarding him, I'm doing good. The negative emotions are slowly leaving me. I am currently thankful for everything that has happened.
I am glad you're in the process of moving on from yours. It is a hard road but you'll get there. I think the perfect formula (though there's really no perfect in any sense) to move on from someone is the choice to actually start the journey, the drive to live in the present and a passionate dream to occupy the emptiness in our hearts left by the people we once loved. We'll have to sprinkle some love along the way too. For someone once told me, our hearts is such a beautiful vessel to carry anything ugly.
So much love,
Ronida
October 19, 2016, 11:00am
Dearest Ronida,
Forgive me for taking too long to respond. I've been caught up with a lot of things: hospital work, mountains, peer pressure, jogging, volunteering, and a new online job. But all of these endeavors feel like there's no sense of direction in my life still.
I am so happy you finally met Mr Desert! Still waiting for that essay. Hahaha. Gosh. How intoxicating it must be to be in a place sooo old and teeming with everything but appears empty, just as Paulo Coelho put it in much better word combinations in The Alchemist.
It's always refreshing to hear about your cooking adventures. I like to think you have gone very far from that girl who deleted her instagram account just because she felt her cooking was insulted. Hahaha.
Please dont judge me but these days I feel sad because boys dont approach me because they find me weird. Some do... Initially. Then I start talking. Then I can slowly see the interest die away like my obsessive infatuation with "him". Hahaha. That reasoning hasnt been verified yet but that's just my guess. Some days I feel like I hate this weirdness and I know I shouldnt because we should be able to hold on to what makes us who we are so when people leave, we can still see our worth and love ourselves. On these notice-me-senpai days I understand your misery with "him" even better and I wish he trips or bites his tongue wherever he may be. These thoughts sadden me. If mother was here, maybe she will laugh, congratulate me for being a girl (finally), and offer some advice.
It gives so much hope and calmness to think that someday we can work together in Ireland where hills are rolling green and I have you to calm my nerves and cook weird but yummy stuff and maybe snag some nice Irish boys, too. Lol. Omg I sound like nakatlan. I may be ovulating these days. Pardon the female.
Duterte is selling us to China. How do you get news about PH?
Cheers Ronida! Flip that crazy, pretty hair!
Sitting at our Molo Plaza,
Your soul sister
October 21, 2016, 1:10pm
Dearest Soul sister,
I just want to tell you how these letters never fail to make me genuinely happy. The past few days were filled with forced smiles and a lot of unnecessary worrying, probably why I haven't gotten the energy to make a response. Pardon the delay of my letter.
After what happened with "him", all I did was laugh about it and insert some well deserved fuck yous in between my thoughts of him. However, I know that I was hurt and was worried why I haven't done anything with that pain. I needed to cry but I forced myself to be brave and masked my vulnerability with 30 minutes to 1 hour unpaid overtime at work, washing other people's dirty dishes and doing my laundry every two days when I used to do it once a week. I thought I needed to be busy and physically exhausted to shut off the questions and drama in my head. But eventually, 2 nights ago after reading tons of thoughcatalog articles, I made peace with "him" (in a made up convo) and all the unanswered questions I had related to "us". It was a good and long cry and I felt so much better after.
You are not nakatlan. It is perfectly normal to desire to be with someone or to be chosen or to be adored. We all want that. I also think that not being loved for our unique "beauty" encased in an intricate weirdness is much painful than plain rejection. This may sound very conceited. But yes, it takes a lot of guts, energy and wisdom from the other person to look beyond our kind I guess. But I am also thinking, Brene Brown once said that those who experience love and belonging simply do one thing, they believe they are worthy of love and belonging. So maybe that's the part where we should look into?
I can't wait for our Ireland living too! But these days, I am trying to live in the moment AKA seeing all the perks of my still almost two year stay here in the kingdom. I found out that that lessens my sadness immensely. A friend often talks to me too about missing our unicorn convo and escapades and I do too. But then, I realized that wanting things that are out of our present reality only contributes into a series of depression. Que sera sera, what ever will be, will be.
I am in a habit of ligthing a candle and staring at our gratitude rock before sleeping and right after waking up. I talk to god and the universe often these days and that calms me.
May all love and peace be with you second wave sister,
Ronida
Ps. I'll get back on my feet and sane thinking and will write that desert essay ASAP. It deserves my unwavering creative spirit which I'm still recharging as of the moment. Thank you for your patience.
