The Heart Pendant

Most human interactions that I see now are very parasitic in my opinion. Don't get me wrong. I do my best not to be cynical about people. I place a wide curtain of giving them the benefit of the doubt to the point of falling into the deep well of naivity. Then I surprise myself, yet again, for being presented with the fact that most do not see the world through the conscientious mirror I am trying to view humanity.

I just want to put this out there though, I am not the conscientious queen and at the very least, I do not aim to be. Someone once said about me on social media, "You acted like you're a saint, turns out you're a freaking whore." (Total extremist, I do not even know how to flirt. Review your vocab girl!)  I did not ask people to place a halo above my head. I am just like every other normal person who tries to act out of love and when others abuse it, I act out of anger. Human enough I must say. 

I know how selfish I can be and that is something that I might have to work on for the rest of my current lifetime. What I am good at is self evaluation. So people who don't,  bugs me. But this is a world with varying perspectives. We ask ourselves to give out good, even if that's offering a friend a chocolate bar without the hidden motives of gaining trust so we can use it upon our advantage. God, when did people start to see the world as a board game made up of strategies? Maybe that's why I never bothered to learn chess. (No offense, you chess players are geniuses.)

We have the unconscious inclination of persuading others to carry their hearts on their sleeves as well, but that aint possible. That idiom is even viewed on a negative light. This world asks you to toughen up your game if you want to emerge the victor. My nervous system isn't wired to compete though. I do enjoy the endorphin spikes of winning. But I get stressed out overtime. Trying to make a point, as I am writing this, is already draining me. 

This is a hard pill to swallow because you want YOU and everything else to be just as you envision them in your head.

Let it pass. 

Let it go. 

You aint perfect, so is the rest of the world.

Bullet Journal

• These are very obvious but you need a reminder so here they are:

• Three cups of hot tea won't win over a 3 degree celsius winter but it can keep you warm, for a while.

• People leave, honey. The number of people leaving is unbearable. Now come on and give yourself a tight hug.

• Don't stash away that coat and warmers just yet because the cold just had a rest and you'll have to rummage that luggage like a maniac because you'll freeze. It isn't over.

• There's nothing more romantic than your fluffy purple blanket and Patrick star to go home to.

• It's normal to keep many photos of yourself. Vanity is self love if done the right way. 

• Most of the time, you're just hungry and the world isn't ending. Keep calm and have your cup of rice.

• Things don't go according to plan. People may unexpectedly leave on the first quarter of the year. One year can drop into one month over a single phone call. It will suck big time. But you should be okay. You have to.

• It's okay to overdose on vitamin C because a flu is evil. Or maybe not.

• Don't be afraid to starve. Stop buying too many frozen chicken thighs because they will make you vomit in the long run. Eat more tofu. Your health is more important than umami.

• I know kamote leaves and kangkong are insanely expensive. But treat yourself little farm girl. Comfort food is comfort food. You deserve it.

• You can freak out with your past life regression visions. But remember your imagination is mostly as wild as your heart and Katherina can be just that, a medieval by product of your neurosis and loneliness.

• If you have to write another goal on paper, please make sure you've got guts and discipline to go with it. Or you might as well burn them. Remember procastination back in college? It only lead to anxious and sleepless nights. You don't want that.

• Please, please, please. For the love of god. Keep your debit card safely locked in your cabinet and if you must, throw away the key! Forget it even exists. 

• Who needs facebook and instagram again? I am super proud of you! 

• That Chinese astrology website has some serious shit in it. It was on point for 2016 and 2017 doesn't look too pretty. Do your best to triumph over those planets, moon and inauspicious stars they're talking about. Cheesy advice coming.... be brave. 

• The language barrier dries out the empathy from you and it shouldn't. It takes hard work to put your heart into something you can't even understand on a lyrical level. Still, hard work pays off. Just try harder.

• Perfume makes you sick. Stick with two sprays. You smell fine.

• You have weak lungs so stop trying to be a badass because cigarette kills. Read the labels.

• You paid 35 riyals for that yoga mat so please do something on it. A super awkward downward dog is acceptable miss newbie yogi.

• Your temper is very erratic. It's not really nice but it doesn't make you a bad person. Continue working on it but stop the self blame. Take all in.