The Heart Pendant

Most human interactions that I see now are very parasitic in my opinion. Don't get me wrong. I do my best not to be cynical about people. I place a wide curtain of giving them the benefit of the doubt to the point of falling into the deep well of naivity. Then I surprise myself, yet again, for being presented with the fact that most do not see the world through the conscientious mirror I am trying to view humanity.

I just want to put this out there though, I am not the conscientious queen and at the very least, I do not aim to be. Someone once said about me on social media, "You acted like you're a saint, turns out you're a freaking whore." (Total extremist, I do not even know how to flirt. Review your vocab girl!)  I did not ask people to place a halo above my head. I am just like every other normal person who tries to act out of love and when others abuse it, I act out of anger. Human enough I must say. 

I know how selfish I can be and that is something that I might have to work on for the rest of my current lifetime. What I am good at is self evaluation. So people who don't,  bugs me. But this is a world with varying perspectives. We ask ourselves to give out good, even if that's offering a friend a chocolate bar without the hidden motives of gaining trust so we can use it upon our advantage. God, when did people start to see the world as a board game made up of strategies? Maybe that's why I never bothered to learn chess. (No offense, you chess players are geniuses.)

We have the unconscious inclination of persuading others to carry their hearts on their sleeves as well, but that aint possible. That idiom is even viewed on a negative light. This world asks you to toughen up your game if you want to emerge the victor. My nervous system isn't wired to compete though. I do enjoy the endorphin spikes of winning. But I get stressed out overtime. Trying to make a point, as I am writing this, is already draining me. 

This is a hard pill to swallow because you want YOU and everything else to be just as you envision them in your head.

Let it pass. 

Let it go. 

You aint perfect, so is the rest of the world.