What more can I get from life if I remain as lousy and stagnant as I am? Will there be any chance that a pound-for-pound hammer hit my head and shake all the neurons in there? I wish. Maybe they'll function better and just give me a break from being too obsessed about protecting my ego. The lousiest fear I had: making things better for myself. I fear that taking steps to enlighten the dark path of nunnery will lead me somewhere darker. That by fixing what's obviously wrong, I could ruin the small pieces of happiness I own. How stupid is that? I dread rejection and what's annoying is that I always view things forward. Even before an egg produces a chick, I see it being broken to pieces and becoming useless. Where do all the positive vibes go? I have to fix things. Set limits to my awkwardness and maybe, no, definitely, things will change.
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