I wondered why my clothes won’t fit me anymore. I had to take off my favorite bra because I was exploding and breathing became too hard and painful.
I was pregnant and I honestly didn’t know how it happened.
I was pretty scared. My parents were okay about it but they weren’t completely thrilled. I was not yet married and a father didn’t show up as my tummy grew bigger and bigger each day.
Then I met this awesome guy. He was actually cute. He fell in love with me. I really like him too. Then I showed him my big round tummy and looked him in the eye,
“I’m having a baby, would you still love me?”
He stared at me. “Well that’s an exciting bonus. I still love you anyway.”
I didn’t cry. But my heart was exploding with strange wonderful emotions. Damn right, I was so happy.
Then I woke up at 8am. I rubbed my tummy. It was completely flat with little fats here and there. It was aching because I wanted to fart but held it cause my roommates were still around. I did fart while writing this cause I am alone. It was an awesome fart just in case you’re asking. Thank you very much.
My dream pretty scared the hell out of me while I was dreaming it. If that makes sense. I’m pretty convinced that whatever emotions we had in our dreams are real. That’s why I just have to write a blogpost to release whatever hint of anxiety that dream left me.
It was not literal but my dream was a weird parallelism of what’s currently happening in my life right now.
I quit my job.
I’m acting like I don’t care but I’m scared. I don’t know what’s next. Am I going to find another nursing job? I don’t know the answer.
If it’s just me, I would be completely happy to take one step at a time and learn and suffer and understand.
But my parents are old. They’re on their 60s. I’m young. I’m 22. I’m supposed to explore and get hurt and explore and get hurt again. But my parents are getting weaker. They were okay with me quitting my job but they were not completely thrilled. It breaks my heart because I want to give them a beautiful life.
I’m lost but I’m hopeful and I’m positive.
i'm on the same page with you. anxiety. for the last a year and a half, it's been eating me. i think it won't stop. the anxiety, the worrisome, all those feeling we have while try to figure out our lives. because when i think about it, i thought i'd be really settled and stop worrying my life when i'm 23. i didn't. i thought i'd have all the answers to all of my problems once i graduated from college. i didn't. so, maybe that's just the way life works. and you know what? i believe we'll figure it out. hang in there. i have faith ;)
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