Random Thoughts

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Year 2014 

**You half-heartedly loved her and half-heartedly betrayed her. Her brain is obsessed rationalizing if what emotion outweighs the other.

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**Why do you care so much of how you look? 

“I really won’t mind if only 99% of the people I meet will stop treating women like a fucking beauty pageant.”

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**To that boy; who played a memorable song on his guitar; who gets to line up before or after me for coffee; who have the exact name as to the one who came before him; who shared brief and wordless conversations with me; who doesn’t really know what name to call me. Thank you. You made it easier by just existing. Bless you.

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**I'm happy that I’m less attached to people, things and memories. The lesser and simpler things are, the better. I use lesser words when I write and speak, considering how wordy I used to be. I trimmed down my Facebook friends to almost half and limited my social media accounts to FB and Tumblr. I gave away 80% of what I had in my closet. I can fit all of my personal belongings in a small bag. I can leave the house with only 5 things in my purse- wallet, phone, keys, powder and mirror. I value people in my life but realized I am still going to be okay without them. I stopped over analyzing and made decisions based on my own definition of right and wrong. It’s freeing to know that memories don’t hold you back and things do not define you.

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**I have to write about you and the way you made me feel. I found myself overwhelmed by your presence. I stared at you numerous times with disbelief. The dream-catchers, you talking to cats, the plants, that cup of water, the cigarettes, the stars, the playlists and a fraction of your dreams. I wanted to share stories but alcohol got in the way. I felt you wanted to share a part of your thoughts too, but I am stranger. Two days, I wish it were longer. The mountains, they made everything even better.  "You wanna try?“ I’ve always wanted to. Thank you for the cigarettes.

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**After a year of failed communication, a dear friend told me, “ I hope that something is making you so happy too." And I then wanted to cry hard on the floor.

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**It is in this in between emotional states that you get to sit and analyze what had just happened. Like whoah, those were a shitload of months that went by and guess what, you’re still fucking alive and excited and beautiful and human.