Achilles Heel

A better way for me to coin my insecurities.


The greatest mistake any parent can make is to conceive a child without eyebrows. This must be penalized. How would it be possible for a girl, born in this chaotic world survive with only a brow bone? I swear I haven't taken any harmful drugs, those hair are just as thin as they are as far as I can remember.

Aha. And I'm blind folks. I have this amazing vision of 250/20 while normal individuals can happily live their lives with 20/20. And below, is what I was born with. Curls that I secretly think are alive because they kept on coiling and coiling every time so I just have to KILL them with James Bond's help, rebonding. (not funny I know)

And I just think I own the biggest under eye bags and the widest and greasiest forehead.

 
 So I have to struggle everyday in wearing contact lenses......

Drawing my bare brows and concealing what needs to be hidden.....

And cover thy whole greasy wide forehead with the bangs.

I'm not feeling bad or anything. I just want to write a reminder of how I had tried to improve myself for the past years physically- it's pros and cons. And realized I should make as much amount of effort in trying to be a better lady who can stand up for herself even without the worldy branding of beauty.

I've tried to make this blog a home of my true self, my shortcomings, my doubts and my crazy daydreams. In here, I am willing to say things I would not dare post in facebook. I've always struggled with my confidence because I grew up believing I don't have any better things to offer compared to other people.

 I wasn't the cutest little girl and you can't depend on me in either singing Humpy Dumpy or dancing the Macarena. 

I grew up with pet names, kulot (curly hair), ati (a local ethnic group in the Philippines) and faced my teenage years with a new pair of eyeglasses, tied up, messy curly hair and dark skin tone (which is not socially lovely in our country).


I may call it bullying. I had no friends in my early years and I'm not saying this to ask sympathy. I really had no friends. Partly because I was too ashamed of myself that I never actually talk to the other kids and partly because I was scared to cry every single day just because someone may tease me, which always happened.


I grew up really really grumpy and antisocial. I even think I only smiled once a month. 


Then, thankfully, someone changed me, a teacher I hated until the fourth grade because I think she hated me too (a feeling most graders feel I guess). She made this awesome speech before our class, a speech directed to ridicule my "no-friends-always-frowning" status. She said in front of the whole class: "Ronida, why are you always frowning?" And everyone turned their heads on me who was sitting on the corner in the last row (a typical antisocial). Some 10 year old pupils laughed and giggled, while others waited for my answer. Of course, I didn't answer.


I cried when I went home.


I was embarrassed but I felt that tiniest kind of happiness. She noticed me. She knew I was there. Though not in the nicest way, she bothered to actually ask why I was being too lonely. 


I was thankful for the embarrassment because the next few days, I was too embarrassed that I just have to give a meek smile to all of my classmates. Then I realized I wasn't that lonely anymore. And people began to be kinder. I actually made some friends.


And for a girl that never accomplished anything since 0 years old, I finally walked on the stage to receive my first ever award---- 


Most Friendly. 


I kid you not. I was even perplexed when I received it. It was truly a miracle. lols


At 20, I realized how childhood can make or break a person. The hurts are significant and the little hellos are vital.  But it's not always a reason to be sorry for yourself. We can always begin another childhood at any point in our lives and grow as better persons, eventually.