How Awkward Becomes Painful

Another rant. Just something that's really bothering me at this moment. Sorry you have to read this. I just have to flush it out.


This is what happens when you have high hopes. You’ll be expecting too much from the other person and you’ll be banking on expectations because you’re willing to do the same. I know friendships, the real ones happen naturally. It’s a human process, a lovely kind that grows just because you feel connected. There’re no courtships, no flowers and best foot forward. It’s just the hello and simple ice cream moments that creates impact. I had these and it’s my own love story.

I never believe friendships could end because close and strong ones do not. You’ll be willing to fight it out and you might need time to think things over when everything’s blurry but there’s always the coming back. I offer friendships of those kinds. I was never the perfect friend. I say things that hurt when I’m being too conceited. I don’t do things that are expected of me. I act immaturely and prefer staying away during fights. I’m never comfortable on talking out my feelings and I’d rather keep my distance. Things might have been in a different boat after several circumstances but I’m honestly tired of always feeling out of place and unappreciated. Time kept us away but what I don’t understand is the awkwardness. I never felt it before and it pains me that it has to be with you. It pains me to see that happy moments are just memories. I tried. I did my part. If you’re not willing to make yours, it’s beyond my capacity to change that. Laotongs are supposed to be forever. I did hope for that.